Macbeth: Internet Style

Macbeth has long been one of my favorite plays, along with Inherit the Wind and A Streetcar Named Desire. But I know many people who find the language a little too… archaic… for their tastes. This is why I have helpfully decided to translate it into Gmail-chatspeak! Now you British Literature students need not worry about poring through hundreds of pages of “Ere” and “Wherefore” and “raveled sleave of care” – you can just zip through THIS version!

(And then fail your test, because I don’t think your teacher would appreciate this very much).

What follows is the first two scenes of Act I… Bon appetit, dear readers.

 

SCENE 1

witch 1: when r we gonna meet agen

witch 2: hurly burly done

witch 2: battle lost&won

witch 3: ere set of sun

ย witch 1: o_O WUT r u talkin bout

witch 3: idk… thot it sounded cool

witch 2: ok well watevr. g2g, grymlkn calls

witch 3: me2, paddock calling

witch 1: ok bye

SCENE 2

duncan: whos tht guy

malcolm: dude saved me frm captivity

duncan: geez hes bloody. hows battle

captain: bloody.

duncan: figrd that out… so whos winning

captain: us

duncan: ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

captain: yeah ur cuz macbeth killed macdonwald

duncan: OH YEAH PWNAGE

malcolm: what happened nxt?

captain: nrway = more troops

duncan: dam man :(

captain: yeah well macB& bAnquo fighting

ross: DUDE OMG

duncan: sup?

ross: OMG OMG OMG THANE OF CAWDOR!!

duncan: yeah wat about him?

ross: duuude he soooo backstabbin

malcolm: oh drn wat he do

ross: sided w/ nrway

duncan: gee well hes not stayin here go kill him give macbeth title

ross: kk bi

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

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About Aditi Ramaswamy

I am Aditi Ramaswamy... the History Hacker. I like history, and hacking. Occasionally, I attempt to hack history itself. Sometimes it even works. Oh, and in my free time I also double as the state of Virginia (we really need a state fruit).

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