Macbeth has long been one of my favorite plays, along with Inherit the Wind and A Streetcar Named Desire. But I know many people who find the language a little too… archaic… for their tastes. This is why I have helpfully decided to translate it into Gmail-chatspeak! Now you British Literature students need not worry about poring through hundreds of pages of “Ere” and “Wherefore” and “raveled sleave of care” – you can just zip through THIS version!
(And then fail your test, because I don’t think your teacher would appreciate this very much).
What follows is the first two scenes of Act I… Bon appetit, dear readers.
witch 1: when r we gonna meet agen
witch 2: hurly burly done
witch 2: battle lost&won
witch 3: ere set of sun
witch 1: o_O WUT r u talkin bout
witch 3: idk… thot it sounded cool
witch 2: ok well watevr. g2g, grymlkn calls
witch 3: me2, paddock calling
witch 1: ok bye
duncan: whos tht guy
malcolm: dude saved me frm captivity
duncan: geez hes bloody. hows battle
duncan: figrd that out… so whos winning
duncan: 😀 😀 😀 😀
captain: yeah ur cuz macbeth killed macdonwald
duncan: OH YEAH PWNAGE
malcolm: what happened nxt?
captain: nrway = more troops
duncan: dam man
captain: yeah well macB& bAnquo fighting
ross: DUDE OMG
ross: OMG OMG OMG THANE OF CAWDOR!!
duncan: yeah wat about him?
ross: duuude he soooo backstabbin
malcolm: oh drn wat he do
ross: sided w/ nrway
duncan: gee well hes not stayin here go kill him give macbeth title
ross: kk bi
TO BE CONTINUED…