In a stunning turn of events on Monday, a famous actress’s mother’s cousin’s friend’s grandmother’s sister’s daughter’s daughter, Strawberry McSweetiepie, shocked the world by changing her lip gloss brand – from Lipshine to SweetScents.
Lipshine, owned by McSweetiepie’s actress relation, is what can be classed as a “super-company.” It owns about 97.298247583247580823857293875829% of the market for its famous lip gloss products, with the classic flavor Banana-Marshmallow-Kiss being head of the list. By contrast, SweetScents owns roughly 0.00000219% of the market, and its only flavours are Banana Sludge and McSweetiepie’s personal favourite, Kissable Kelp Kream.
When interviewed, McSweetiepie seemed unclear of why she made such a drastic change. “I…I don’t know, it just came to me. One day, I was just sitting there, looking in the mirror, Lipshine in hand, when…. The revelation occurred. I suddenly realized that…however high-gloss it might be, Lipshine just isn’t for me.” She’s a sworn supporter of the SweetScents brand now, she claims. When she discovered it in the store one day – “it was like it was calling to me. I was drawn to the display. Once I picked a tube up, I just couldn’t put it down. I had to buy it.”
McSweetiepie’s family, who are all staunch Lipshine users, are horrified at this change. A quote from her mother, Scarlett McSweetiepie – “I don’t know what’s happening to this family! We’re suddenly growing apart, after ten years! It’s ridiculous!” All around the globe, concerned citizens’ letters are pouring in. Most are worried about what the effects of this major change, but a few actually congratulate the girl on her switch.
What will happen next? Only the future can tell.